Setting Boundaries
Setting boundaries is a difficult balance.
On the one hand, boundaries are incredibly healthy. They can keep you from burning out at your job. They can prevent toxic relationships from draining your energy and keep your mental health balanced.
But on the other hand, I wonder if we don’t draw boundaries too quickly in our culture. We cut out anyone who disagrees with us. We shy away from doing hard (but necessary) things in the name of “setting boundaries.” Sometimes I wonder if we’re just not willing to engage with difficult people or situations – and I question whether that’s always healthy.
Setting boundaries often operates in a gray area. It depends on the situation.
But there are principles from the life of Jesus that we can apply as we make those decisions.
Perhaps the best example of Jesus embodying this balance is in John 14:13-14. Jesus has just learned that his cousin, John the Baptist, has been killed. Jesus decides that he needs some time away – presumably to grieve and pray. But the massive crowds find out where he is and interrupt his solitude. Jesus has compassion on them and engages them with teaching and healing.
How does this relate to setting boundaries?
Jesus knew the importance of withdrawing by himself (or with his closest friends). Countless times in the New Testament, Jesus tells his disciples to get away with him (or goes off by himself). There are absolutely spaces where it is appropriate and healthy to set a boundary and give yourself some distance.
But at the same time, look at how Jesus responds when that time is interrupted! (I don’t’ think I’d have been nearly as gracious). Jesus has compassion on the crowds because He knows how much they need Him. He is willing to be flexible. He is willing to be interruptible. He perfectly knows when to set boundaries and when to remove them.
In trying to identify how and when to set boundaries, there are a few questions you can ask:
1. Am I setting this boundary because I’m avoiding something necessary – even if it’s difficult? Or am I setting this boundary because it’s necessary and healthy?
2. Am I willing to be flexible and interruptible with my boundaries when necessary?
3. Am I asking the Holy Spirit to help me know where and how to set boundaries?
Setting boundaries isn’t easy, but often necessary. But remember that you aren’t walking through it alone! The Holy Spirit will guide you and help you to know where and how to draw healthy boundaries. He promises to be with you every step of the way!
