Expectations
Knowing how to navigate relationships with others can be pretty tricky. We’re designed to need each other, and yet so often, we hurt each other and let each other down. It’s literally a “can’t live with ‘em, can’t live without ‘em” situation.
And there’s one little culprit that often creates pretty big relationship messes: expectations.
Spoken or unspoken, realized or unrealized, big or small, we all have expectations, both for ourselves and others.
Not to brag, but I’m kind of the queen of high expectations, both for myself and others. While I believe this is ultimately a positive thing, I have to admit those high expectations have gotten me in trouble a time or two. As someone recovering from I’m Better Than You Syndrome, here are a couple things I’ve learned:
It’s not fair to hold people to standards they don’t know they’re being held to.
It’s not fair to expect others to handle things the way you would.
The sooner you stop putting others on pedestals, the less time you’ll spend being scandalized by others’ shortcomings.
The sooner you stop putting yourself on a pedestal, the less time you’ll spend being scandalized by others’ shortcomings.
Now, this doesn’t mean we should never have expectations. In fact, there are some you should always hold:
Expect to practice humility. Proverbs 16:18 is a reminder that “Pride goes before destruction.” Being humble means cutting each other some slack and realizing nobody’s got it all figured out.
Expect to practice patience. Ephesians 4:2 says, “Be completely humble and gentle; be patient, bearing with one another in love.” Love means giving each other room to grow and mess up without holding a grudge.
Expect to practice forgiveness. Colossians 3:13 says “Bear with each other and forgive one another if any of you has a grievance against someone. Forgive as the Lord forgave you.” Love isn’t about keeping score or expecting perfection.
Expect to practice discernment. Micah 6:8 tells us what’s required of us: “…to do justice, and to love kindness, and to walk humbly with your God…” Grace for imperfection and consequences for actions can coexist, but we are free to let God be God and to seek his guidance for the rest.
- What would it look like to incorporate these expectations into your life? Which expectation stood out to you the most?
- In what areas might you need to readjust or more clearly define your expectations?
What would it look like for you to invite God into situations where others have let you down?
