If you’ve ever tried to live in a way that you experience as little pain as possible, you’re not alone.
Experiencing pain is never a fun thing. But I’ve learned over the past year that experiencing pain is a good thing.
I’m a TOTAL control freak who never likes to let go of the reins of my life. I don’t like to ask for help, because that just puts the ball in someone else’s court and gives them the opportunity to hurt me.
Uh-uh, no way. I am NOT about that life. And not only did I have that mentality when it came to people, I had that same mentality with God, too. I never wanted to ask God for anything, because if I put the ball in His court and He didn’t provide, what would I do?
See, I grew up as an only child and I’ll be the first to admit that I was a spoiled brat! Mom and Dad generally gave me everything I wanted. And the few times they actually said no, I just went to Grandma and Grandpa. I knew how to work the system.
So imagine my disappointment when I finally put the ball in God’s court and started praying boldly and expectantly for a husband. And when He didn’t provide when and how I wanted Him to… I was ticked.
I was transported back to five-year-old Brittany, with my arms crossed, scowl on my face, stomping around and shouting at God.
I was angry, and I felt incredibly betrayed by God. I had opened my heart to Him and He let me down. He didn’t provide. He didn’t give me what I wanted. How on earth could He possibly be good? I felt the most intense pain and disappointment I’ve felt in a very long time.
But here’s the thing: God is STILL faithful even when He doesn’t give us what we want.
It’s taken me a while to actually believe that one, so I’ll say it again. God is STILL faithful, even when He doesn’t give you what you want. Take a second to let that one soak in.
I always equated God’s faithfulness with Him giving me what I wanted. That’s not what it means for God to be faithful, though.
God is faithful because He keeps His promises to us. We’re not promised marriage, or children, or the biggest house, or the most comfortable life. But what we are promised is so much greater than any of those things.
There are so many beautiful things promised to us in the Bible, but the most beautiful promise that we’re given is the assurance of eternity in Heaven with our creator if we believe in Jesus Christ his son.
“For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life.” –John 3:16
Now that’s a promise.
I wish knowing that could take away all of the pain that you feel as your dreams shatter around you and you see the brokenness in this world. But it doesn’t. It doesn’t make it any easier. That pain will draw you closer to the Savior though, if you’ll allow it to.
The past year has been one of the most challenging years of my life. But it’s also been one of the best years of my life. Because in the midst of pain, I’ve drawn closer to God than I ever have before. I know Him more deeply and trust Him more than I ever have before.
And if the only way I could do that was by experiencing the pain I’ve felt, then it is worth it. Because knowing my Savior deeply and intimately is the goal of my life.
If God brings me a husband someday to share this life with, that will be amazing and I’ll be so incredibly humbled and grateful. But even if He doesn’t, He is still faithful. He is still good. And I will continue to trust & praise Him.
