Sometimes I feel like I’m living a double life.
Everything is fine, really, so I have no excuse; no reason to tell people why my eyes are kind of glazed over; nothing to point to and say, “This is what’s wrong.” Outside, I’m fine. But my inside soul looks like one of those movies scenes where the character is caught in slow motion, feet on the ground – but their world is blurring around them. Ever feel like that? There’s a battle going on, friend. And it’s mostly in your mind.
Safe to say, my mind can be exceptionally messy – and when I’m at my messiest is when I most feel like I can’t be transformed. Or that I never have been. Everyday fear and doubt can set in. “Why am I such a mess? Do I not believe what God says about me? Where did I go wrong? Wouldn’t a child of God have done better than this?” It’s easy to get discouraged. How are you supposed to transform your mind when you always end up here, messy and unsure?
It’s hard when you feel like your true, God-loving self is getting overrun by your weariness, brokenness, and failures. It can be hard to sort through things when you feel a bit of both— good and not good, saved and broken.
The truth is, you’re allowed to be both. Your brokenness is not a threat to God or what you are becoming.
Someone explained it to me this way recently — and I breathed a little deeper, thinking of it like this:
Your soul is comprised of your mind, will, and emotions. Your spirit is the God-breathed part of you that becomes new when you accept Christ. And while your spirit becomes new right away, your soul does not.
Now, your Christian walk is this: to align your soul with your spirit.
Oh. So this is normal? This feeling of two things that are sometimes in sync and sometimes not? Yep. This is what God signed up for. This isn’t a surprise to him, even when you’re surprised at yourself. He knew – and he’s still here, that still small voice. Because your soul is worth it to him. Whoa, right?
I’m learning that transforming your mind looks like slowly, quietly, learning to believe what God says more than what I say.
Sometimes, you just have to step back and believe it. Your soul is worth it. God wants you. He who started a good work in you will be faithful to complete it. But the enemy isn’t going to like it, so you’ll have to guard yourself. Guard your mind. Take your thoughts captive. Know the truth and wield it.
It’s hard to remember in the everyday though. And sometimes it all sounds good, but how do you apply it? Here are a few things I’ve been reminding myself in my own blur this week – some things to change the way I think, especially about myself.
Transform Your Mind:
- You are worth protecting. That means your time, your soul, is worth protecting. And you are allowed to say no to the things that you know will drain you. We are all called to serve – we’re not called to serve all, do all, be all. When I say yes to everything, I find myself playing God, instead of remembering to lean on him.
- You have purpose. Sometimes we just haven’t done anything we’re proud of recently. And this can be anything – make a good dinner, or arrange some flowers. Find a place you’d love to volunteer. Write someone a note. God said it is good to put our hand to things of value – it’s good to work on something we believe in. I have to remember to do things I love.
- You have a choice. Feelings are often liars. I feel unlovely. I am loved. I feel powerless. I have been given authority. You are not what you feel. You are what you choose to be. Because every time you fall, you have the choice to let God cover that, or try to pay for it yourself. God really wants you to hand that blurry world over to him. He’s really good at righting bent and broken things. All you have to do is choose to believe it – and release your control over it. It’s harder than it sounds. But it’s worth it.
So if you’re feeling a little blurred and broken? It’s okay; me too. Transform your mind. It’s not a mystical, crazy mountain-top experience that only happens once in your life. It’s small things you do every day to realign yourself with truth – to remember who you are now.
And you’re deeply loved, as you are.
So whatever it is that’s blurring your world… Jesus covered for that too. You’re worth it.
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