“Maybe I’m too screwed up to connect with God like everyone else.”
“Maybe I’m just more broken than my friends next to me.”
Picture this scene:
You’re at a worship service and the band begins to play. The first few songs are upbeat, with good lyrics and catchy tunes. The singer prays after the fast songs end, and a soft melody comes in on the keys.
It’s a slower song, but after a few verses and choruses, the song starts to pick up in intensity. You look around and see several people raise their hands as they sing along. The person next to you stands up and does the same.
The drums and bass march the beat forward, and the singers are jumping octaves. Seemingly everyone around you is belting out the words and having an incredible moment of connection with God.
But for some reason, I’m not having that moment.
“Just try a little harder. Maybe you’ll get there, too,” I tell myself.
But still; nothing.
How can others be having this moment with God while I just stand here and feel nothing? Isn’t this what Christians are supposed to do?
I’m a drummer! I’ve played many of these songs dozens of times on stage to lead worship. Shouldn’t this be how I connect with God?
For a while, I didn’t talk about these feelings, because I assumed it was because of something that was wrong with me. Maybe I’d done something to screw up my relationship with God.
Recently, I stumbled across an incredible blog written by Jon Steingard, the singer of Hawk Nelson. Surprisingly, he also struggles with this problem!
He writes, “I believe every word that is being sung. I believe in Jesus and I believe that the Spirit of the Lord inhabits the praises of His people. I believe that is what I’m seeing in front of me. So why is everyone around me experiencing this transcendent moment while I am not?”
We both have spent years silently wondering why we are so messed up that we can’t experience worship in the same way as others.
Maybe you’ve had a similar experience. If so, where do we go from here?
Jon goes on to quote a line from the movie, Chariots of Fire: “I believe God made me for a purpose. He also made me fast, and when I run I feel his pleasure.”
The character in the movie was worshipping God through running, an ability that God gave him. He felt God’s pleasure by doing it.
Isn’t worship less about what we do, and more about why we’re doing it?
The Bible tells us in 1 Corinthians 10:31 that “Whatever you do, do all to the glory of God.”
So that means that anything we do can be worshipful if it’s done to glorify God above all else.
I love playing drums. It’s absolutely one of my favorite things. Sometimes I connect with God the most when I’m playing music because it reminds me of His goodness. When playing worship music, I often pray at the same time. I feel God’s pleasure while I play.
But I also connect with God when I’m alone with Him somewhere. I feel God’s pleasure when I take time to examine His grace and power through nature.
Jon had a similar experience. He writes, “That doesn’t sound like a broken sense of spirituality to me. It sounds like I’m connecting with God in a different language than some others might be.”
A different language?
God made everyone unique, with individual characteristics and personalities.
And He loves you more deeply than you can imagine.
I guess it makes sense that He connects with each of us differently, too! Certainly music is a fantastic way to worship God, especially when we gather as a group to do it. However, not everyone will worship God in that same way.
That doesn’t mean you’re broken. That doesn’t mean you’re not “spiritual enough.” It means that you might use some methods of connecting with God more meaningfully than others.
We can rest assured that God is not limited to one language, one culture, or one anything. Our God is gloriously powerful, mightily gracious, and eternally loving.
Whatever ways you connect with God, take time to practice them. God promised in His Word to draw near to us as we draw near to him.
Feel free to let us know in the comment section below some of the ways you connect most with God!